It has been a strange couple of weeks. To the worlds standards, my life has been a bit of a mess. To the naked eye, it might look a little 'fall-apart-ish.'
I'm so thankful I have Jesus.
Sometimes I forget to pray. It's so simple, yet I get caught in my own thoughts, spinning in my own stuff, and I forget. And then when I remember to pray He meets me and clings to me, and sings to me, and tells me He misses me, and I get all lost in wonder with Him again, and I don't know how I have forgotten to hang out with Him all day.
I'm rambling. anyway...
I'm writing out of faith today. Because I want to write about these BIG things that God is telling me, even though on paper, I am just sort of....'fall-apart-ish.'
He is saying...
Kara, say YES!
And I am sort of saying...oh that is scary, how do I say yes to your bigness when I am oh so small. But here I am, writing this blog, to my 2 friends that will probably read it, and this is my version of screaming into the universe...YES!!!!
I LONG for a simple life. I YEARN for it. For a wrap-around deck, and a horse, and wild free running children. I also long for a life that looks like nothing I've seen before, and a crazy world changing mindset. These are things that are inside of me. Things I sometimes suppress because they feel unattainable and far away.
But not today.
My Mom had this vision of having a camp with a bunch of horses. The camp would be designed for the physically and mentally handicapped. They would get to come and ride and experience nature and animals. It was a big amazing dream that never happened (or hasn't yet.)
And somewhere inside of me there is a similar dream. I have been having baby fever lately. A tad awkward since I am not married, and am not in a position to have a child. And I am so thankful I have amazing babies in my life, and my friends are popping out kids that I get to love on....but I really have an ache to have my own baby. This is the part of the blog where I want to shut this laptop and act like these dreams to not live inside of me. But honesty is a good good thing so I will keep typing.
I have this vision of me, on a big huge open deck, with property in front of me...a baby on my hip and a bunch of babies running around...like an orphanage maybe...and I don't know the details...I just know that I want it to be true. So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen...but I am saying YES to the possibility.
I am believing today that I can have a house in the country. I am believing that I might get remarried and have more babies, or adopt babies. I am believing today that I might get to do photography strictly as a ministry in the future. I am saying YES today in all of my smallness, in all of my brokenness, to the BIG BIG BIGNESS of God to move in my life.