I am overwhelmed.
I don't know whether to lie on my bed, sigh and cry. Or type as fast as I can to get this whirlwind in writing.
Your love is everything is playing on itunes. I keep hearing, "I will not forget, I won't forget your promises."….and all the promises he has flooded me with play like a slide show in front of me. He does that slide show thing sometimes. It knocks me off of my feet. Why? because he DESIGNED me to relate in pictures, so when he speaks to me in them, I just melt into a puddle. When he is tangible like that, life is like a dream, the best dream ever.
So promises. How could I say that God does not shine down on me, surprise me at every chance, love me beyond measure. I couldn't say that. Actions speak louder than words. He comes in actions, daily, hourly, whenever I am faced toward the sky with an open humble heart, and waiting for more. He comes, he floods.
He takes my sorry broken human body and he scoops it off of the ground, kisses it, whispers again why it's here, tells me he loves me, and sends me back out. Always like a Father. He is my shepherd.
His goodness is bliss. It is overwhelming. How did I get it. I got silent. I bowed down, and said, YOU ARE GOD. And he showed me that he was. He shows me that he is. To deny him would be to deny my babies. To deny my very own shadow, or reflection in the mirror. He is that real to me, more.
The countless stories of his love would cover too many pages. Plus they are better told in person. But they include: My rent being paid, my career being every dream I ever wanted. My babies being here. My family. My friends. The wind that comes from nowhere right when I need it. Continued revelation of the impossible.
Today he told me I was beautiful, and I finally believed it. I'm dedicating this song to myself today, and I hope you do too.
Mercy Me: Beautiful
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Sometimes they have the hot sting of being slapped in the face. They knock the wind out of you with their force, and you cannot remember what breathing feels like.
It is about the people. It is about the relationships we form. I don't ever want to be too tired to be there. To be present. To have my hand ready to extend. I don't want my friends and family left wondering how much I love them. How much I cherish their very being.
I feel challenged to live my life like there is not much left of it. Because there may not be. We never know.
Sometimes I get caught up in things that do not matter at all. Things that get in the way of dancing in my kitchen and painting with my kids. Am I going to care in two years if I had to throw away a brand new shirt. Am I going to care next week? No, because in it's place is a beautiful canvas, rock, or vase that I get to keep forever.
In the place of starting my day answering emails, the memory of sunlight pouring through my kitchen window on messy behead babies while they serenade me and let me spin them round and round. Or that same window, filled with the even light of a thunderstorm…and us sliding on the linoleum in our socks. These are the things that matter. These are the things I will put first.