Thursday, October 18, 2012

You have given me more than I could ever have wanted. THANK YOU.

My love for photography started at a very young age.  Besides being a Mama, it has been my greatest passion.  My happy place has been behind my camera.  I love seeing people smile.  I love capturing Gods creation.  I love the challenge, the beauty, the moments.  I love holding a tangible piece of history.  I LOVE freckles, and laughter, and wrinkles, and profiles.  I love accidents.  I love crooked compositions, and ugly laughs.  I love when the inside of someone shows up on the outside….

A few years ago I listened to an amazing woman recall a beautiful moment in her life.  She started by speaking of a time when she sang her heart out to God at a young age.  She dreamed her biggest dream for her life at age 15, and sang…"You have, given me more than I could ever have wanted, and I want, to give you my heart and my soul…"  She shouts this song to God at this young age, dreaming her big dreams, and 15 years or so later, she's singing the same song in worship, and everything she dreamed that day has come true.

I listened to her recall those moments with tears in my eyes.  Knowing, that her TRUST in God, let His faithfulness shine so brightly through her life. 

And somewhere deep inside of me, I knew I wanted a trust like that.  I knew that I wanted to trust God when I had nothing, for everything that I could possibly want.  Not so that I could have the end result, what I "wanted".  But so that I could know the fullness of trusting Him.

And I'm pretty sure that that longing inside of me, turned into a meekly presented prayer to Jesus.  And my life started changing, pretty rapidly.

I always believed in God.  But I did not always trust Him.  I didn't really know how to.  I wanted to put Him first, above everything. I knew I needed to, longed to, but I had no idea what that looked like.  I didn't know where to begin. 

So I just said it.  In my head.  I want that.  I want to trust you.  I want to believe you, I believe you.  I will choose you before I choose anything else.  I said it.  I admitted that I didn't know how, but I also admitted that I wanted it. Over and over.

Fast forward to now.

I had my wildest dream moment.  I was recognized publicly for the one thing I ALWAYS DREAMED of doing.  I live my dream life! I have my dream job!  And I got an award for it!  How crazy is that??!!  Five years ago, three years ago, one year ago, I would have lost the bet that this would EVER happen.  And let me just say that this blog is not about winning an award.  It's just a marker, and sign, (like a cherry on top) of HIS COMPLETE FAITHFULNESS shining through my life.  This is just 1 of a thousand things that have come together these past few years, none out of my own strength. 

I can be sitting, smiling, in a room with friends, and all of a sudden I will just LOSE it and start bawling.  I cry because I am completely overwhelmed by Gods goodness in my life.  It literally brings me to my knees.  A lot.  

I have had some messy situations in this lifetime.  All consequences of my own actions.  But He doesn't care about that.   He doesn't care that I'm not a great business person.  He doesn't mind that I'm not the most organized.  He created me to dream, and want to capture people, and has laid the path before me for that to happen.  He has given me the most wonderful friends, that come along side, and speak truth when I can't see it. 

And I am just SO thankful.  And I'm so in awe.  And I'm so overwhelmed.  And I TRUST HIM.  And I'm excited for what's next.  Because I know that it will be good.