Friday, September 16, 2011

You feel me?

Epiphany of the day.

Of course it came when I was driving in the car with the windows down.  It just might be the only time I ever completely shut up.

So often, we go off of feelings.  How we are feeling, what something feels like, how we think other people feel.  And often, feelings do not line up with reality.  If you think they do…you are wrong.   Just kidding, it depends on the situation.  But feelings will really trick you, lemme tell ya.

So I was telling Jesus, I'm just not feeling you today…I'm praying, I'm talking, I'm thinking about you…but I'm not feeling you.

And he said….(this is always my favorite part)…

"Think of a marriage." Yup, ok, thinking of a marriage.  "Just because the marriage isn't always happy and butterfly-y, doesn't mean the 2 people in it aren't still married."


Truth…just because I wasn't "feeling" him…doesn't mean I can't profess my love, profess my choice, hand my day over….let him know where I'm at. 

and guess what….just how I imagine a wonderful marriage to be, I felt him all over after that...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A new choice every morning...

I have this memory that I think about quite often.  It comes into my thoughts because it was…. literally… life changing.  It is a great example of how one simple choice can change us completely, as well as spur greatness.

I believe I was about 7 or 8.  It was a very shy stage in my life.  Before this time, I was riding roller coasters, never finding a large enough or fast enough one.  Putting on performances for my family.  Being pretty outgoing and spunky. 

I don't know what caused a change…but there was a season in my childhood where I was riddled with fear.  I was afraid of everything.  I couldn't be loud and fun because I was afraid of rejection.  I had to lock every door and window of the house at night because I was afraid of being taken.  (This fear lasted awhile longer than this decision, but I got rid of that too ;)

So here is the memory:  My Dad and I are going to a Halloween party.  It is at night, and there are a lot of people there…it was an adult party, not a kid party… Dad took me everywhere with him. 

I started getting anxious in the car on the way over.  I wasn't outwardly showing it, but inside I was getting really worked up that I had to be around so many people.  I started hearing this voice…(wish I knew about the holy spirit then)

The voice was gentle, and it said, "Kara, you don't have to be shy.  You can make a choice not to be shy.  You can choose to shake hands, and be friendly.  You will be ok." 

I walked into that party and shook everyone's hand with a smile on my face.  I was talkative, and it was received well.  You might know this already, but to this day…I am not shy ;)

One choice.  I honestly believe, had I decided to be a turtle and go in my shell that night, my life could be different today.  It seems so simple.  But that was a BIG DECISION for this scared little girl. 

And it just makes me think about what I am choosing today.  What greatness am I not choosing…

I don't want to do that.  It just might change what is happening 10 years from now.  Shoot, it might change what happens right now, or tomorrow.  To me, or to my neighbor, or the guy I felt like I was supposed to encourage but didn't have the guts to go through with it. 

Epiphany:  If it is fear that is driving me to a decision…RUN in the opposite direction.  Lift my eyes.  Open my heart.  Cry out, what would you have for me today My King?  I choose that.