So I had a melt down last night. You know when a close friend asks how your day was, or how you are doing. And you think you are going to say, "fine." or "pretty good."….but then you start talking and before you know it you have word vomited all over her, and you have no idea how long you've been rattling on. By the time you look up and realize what has happened, you feel about 20 pounds lighter (word vomit is fattening if you keep it in) and she looks like she needs windshield wipers for her eyes.
So I did that. I had no idea I needed to. But it came. Fast and hard. Like so many other of life's lessons it seems. I talked about my finances, and worry. Things I pray and watch myself giving over daily. Here God, take this, it's definitely too much for me. I thought I was good at it. He's better.
I keep thinking maybe I need to be humbled into some sort of existence before I can feel like I'm not drowning. But the thing is, I've really never been better. That's the honest to God, swear on everything truth. I've had "security", I've had a savings, I've had play money. Those things do not compare in the least to the wisdom, insight, and daily glimpses of heaven I have now. And It's going to keep coming! I pray that I never have money if it's going to cloud my vision, and keep me from God.
So I gave it away again. I handed it right over. From my small hand to his big one. I trusted harder, declared my faith, watched him grab my worry and send it on it's way like dust in the air.
His promise is that we will have what we NEED, and I DO.