My feet are cold. The daunting tasks of this day/work I need to catch up on/ lack of sleep that I had last night are bearing on my hungry body. I need food, but do not have enough of an appetite to actually get up and do something about it.
I want to crawl into bed. I want to feel the light from my window warm my face while I take a short nap. I want all of my seemingly large problems to go away.
I did get back into bed a minute ago. I needed the silence, I needed the stillness. I needed to not think about what I have to do today, I needed to just rest and try to hear Jesus.
My head hit the pillow. I set my alarm for 30 minutes to go by. The rest that my body longs for doesn't come from sleep. I need to be refreshed, I need to be cleaned up, I need to be filled. I need to be loved with an everlasting love, to be picked up and rocked. I wouldn't know that I needed that so badly, but I've had it before so I feel empty without it.
I laid there quietly for only a few moments. The light didn't warm my face, and my feet were still cold. But I wasn't tired anymore. Still very aware that I needed rest, but not tired. A new energy surged through me, one that I knew wouldn't let me stay in bed. I keep hearing, "I could sing of your love forever…" lyrics from a song in my head. I could sing of HIS love forever. He has rescued me. And he keeps rescuing me over and over again. Even when I turn my face from His, even when I dance with fear, even when I believe that He might drop me. He understands that my reality sometimes turns to what I've known in the past, that's when He grabs my chin to look into His eyes again. And as if looking into that truth and wonder wasn't enough…
He picks me up and puts my small feet on top of His big ones, and starts dancing. He is obviously the leader of the dance, but I am welcomed with tender, loving, supported arms. My ideas and dreams are valid, and my laughter is His pleasure. He is steadfast, and never changing, and magnificent. He has placed a song in my heart. We are dancing to our own tune. My problems, and fears, and worries are whirling around us. They are becoming harder to recognize and losing their weight with each spin. And the beat goes on. I am forever His.
He gives me visions of seeds being planted in my heart. He gives me visions of rains coming from the heavens to rain on the garden in my heart. There is no draught for this garden.
I am desperate for God. I am hungry and thirsty for the Love that can only come from Him. I want more.
AND THERE IS MORE.
I always forget that. I am used to to short ends of the stick, and being left and forgotten. But not anymore.
Just when I think I might drown in the ocean, he places me high on a mountain.
It's from there that I will sing. I will sing of his goodness. I will sing my own song. I will keep believing, keep hoping. Because He hasn't dropped me, He rescues over and over again, and He always will.