Some days I just want to put all of my belongings out on the curb, Tell my landlord I'm moving out, pull my kids out of school, start hitchhiking everywhere, and begin each morning not knowing where I'll end up at the end of the day.
If I wasn't used to being a civilized person, and maybe wasn't solely responsible for my babies, this might be a reality.
You might be laughing that I just called myself civilized. I may have exaggerated a smidgen.
When I was married, my husband would tell me that I gave too much away, that I wanted to share too much. He would say things like, "you can't trust everyone."…."We don't have enough to give." NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD. Those statements made my hair stand on end. One could argue that we didn't have "a lot" to some standards. I knew somewhere inside of me this was wrong. And I know now that I am nowhere close to where I am going to be, or where I am called to be when it comes to giving. I have this vision that everything that I receive into my hands leaves instantly and multiplies as it goes out of my possession. The vision is about monetary items, as well as knowledge. That's an intimidating vision. It's kind of one I don't want to tell people out loud that I'm having. My life doesn't line up with it.
Epiphany of the day: The same spirit that whispers and screams to me "reckless abandon"…is the same spirit that planted a seed in me to be different. It's that spirit that calls out my faith and says trust me enough in the morning to handle whatever may come. Believe me enough that you would pack your things on the curb. Give even what you don't have already. Listen to me.
I look around and see people with back up insurance for their insurance plans. Sometimes I think about my kids education and I get a little worried that in this moment I am not prepared to provide for them when the time comes. But then I get a tap on the heart and He shows me the truth…
That showing my kids to live with reckless abandon and unheard of faith is the only insurance that they will ever need. That by chasing Jesus, by calling on HIM they will be wise, and no amount of money, or books, or college will ever get them that wisdom.
So today, I am encouraged to believe beyond my means….to completely blindly fall into whatever He would have for me. Even if I have to give my whole self to do it.