I just got back from being at the ocean (pretty much my favorite place). With one of my best friends, and her precious baby (so 2 of my favorite people on the planet). And my kids (my absolute favorite people on the planet).
Life is sweet.
I am humbled.
I had put my phone down on the beach today, because I just wanted to soak my kids up, and not focus on taking pictures. And then I realized that they were being so cute I had to capture it so I could look again tomorrow and remember just how sweet those moments were. MY KIDS ARE STUNNING. They are fiery and spontaneous, and they love adventure, and they speak their minds. But mostly, they remind me to believe in GOD. Sometimes they remind me by reveling in all of His greatness…. talking endlessly of His creation as they just purely ENJOY it all. Laying face down in the sand and rubbing it through their fingers. Catching shrimp in the shallow waves. Looking up at the heavens and squealing with joy. THEY KNOW HIM. I stood watching them in of their delight, thinking, I want to live my life like this. I want to run with open arms to the plan that He has for me, I want to shout with joy and dive in…Or as Chloe exclaims, "kick and punch" the waves!. I say yes to the freedom that they had today, because I believe that I can have it.
I had an epiphany today. Gosh, I love it when that happens.
I came home and was casually looking through the pictures. I stopped on one of Shai jumping in the waves. I hardly ever notice that my daughter has 1 finger on her left hand. I mean, it's a fact, so sometimes I remember, but I don't really NOTICE it. And in the picture, my eye went right to it. And then I heard a voice that I know pretty well in my head…."She is perfect."
She is perfect. She is the exactly the way she was created to be. She was made in the image of Him. She is exactly perfect. Some might call her flawed. She isn't.
You ready for this?
So am I. Even when I get insecure, even when I stumble…. when I look to Him, I am exactly who I am supposed to be. Even if it isn't "normal". Even if it doesn't go with the crowd. Even if it doesn't fit into the pre-packaged box, or look like the mold from the factory. Even when I mess it up, or dirty the water….He still says, I am perfect. Exactly perfect as the one HE MADE ME.
I have the song You Know Me by Stephanie Frizzell on repeat in my house…
In the lyrics she sings,
you hung the stars, and you move the sea,
and still you know me
YOU KNOW ME
nothing is hidden from your sight
wherever I go, you find me
you know every detail of my life,
and you are good, and you don't miss a thing
You've memorized me.
HE HAS MEMORIZED ME!!!!!! And still chooses to use me, and talk to me, and see me! Oh how I love HIM. Oh how I feel redeemed!
He calls me LOVELY…and I can't deny that when I know how I feel about my precious baby. And it's not a joke when I say that it's the cutest finger I've ever seen. (it is!)
Oh Jesus, show me the flaws that aren't really flaws and help me to live like I am exactly who I'm supposed to be. I'll run with my arms wide open to that.
Amen.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Action comes before motivation.
I am learning that the promises in the written word are not mainly made up of metaphors. Scripture is not made up of words and phrases that hold no bearing, like so many idle thoughts that fly through my mind and off of my tongue daily. His words shake the earth, they have the power to do ANYTHING, they transform. And they are for ME. And they are for YOU. You might be thinking "duh"! And when I read that back, I'm kind of thinking "duh"…but man I do not walk and talk like that is truth.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be on stage, I wanted to have talent. More than fame though, I just wanted to be able to express myself in such a vulnerable, tangible, out loud way.
I learned in the 4th grade that I am not the best singer. I tried out for choir and found out quickly that I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't hear it…It was like another world to me. Add to that years of hearing/speech issues and you have a tone deaf little girl with a nasally voice trying to sing jingle bells and completely missing the mark. I wish that I was not that awkward, but the truth is, I was. I am not trying to have a pity party, and search for someone to tell me "we can all sing" or something nice to put a pretty bow on that package. I don't need it.
I can sing. Actually I just typed that, not fully knowing how to agree with it. But I typed it anyway. Because he's been putting songs in my head, that I HAVE to sing..in my own voice, out loud, with passion. I even record them. Because just like when I have to have a photo shoot, or whisper to my babies, I have to sing these songs. My soul isn't right if I don't.
So His promises.
They never fall short. They never fail. They don't fit into the box that I've created for them.
He doesn't ever say it will be easy. He doesn't ever say you'll know the answers. He says He'll never leave you.
And boy do I know that to be true.
I started praying for my family since, oh I don't know, about the age of 5. I didn't even know what I was asking most of the time, but I prayed nonetheless. In all honesty, I didn't even know some of these times who I was praying to. I DO NOW. And the way I have watched the prayers that I lifted up be coddled, and remembered, and handled with care…brings me to my knees. Actually, more literally, it brings me face down to my linoleum in my kitchen with my nose in a puddle of my own tears.
Because He is tangible. I serve a living, loving, all-knowing, TANGIBLE God. I can't touch him in the physical sense all of the time, but He is there. I can't deny it. It would be a lie if I tried. And dang it, that's just down right refreshing to say. It's also a little scary, because it isn't EASY to live like that is truth.
I have been in a dry spell with writing. Today, I am practicing this wonderful quote that I've adopted since my early twenties. Action comes before motivation. I typically only write when I feel like my fingers will fall off of my hand if they are not allowed to type as fast as my brain is thinking. Right now I am forcing them. It resembles faith if you think about it.
I will believe, proclaim, declare, and rejoice!! Even though I am dry and tired, I believe that there is so much more that is unseen. HE is more. And I will come and pray and declare these things when I am not cleaned up, when I am exhausted, when I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other.
Because he is tangible. Because He has never let me down. It's not easy. But he cares more than I could ever know. So you bet your butt I can sing. And He cares about my family. He has placed me exactly where I am supposed to be. I will have a life and love like I've never seen before, and even when I don't really know the fullness of what that means, I will believe it.
AMEN!
When I was a child, I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be on stage, I wanted to have talent. More than fame though, I just wanted to be able to express myself in such a vulnerable, tangible, out loud way.
I learned in the 4th grade that I am not the best singer. I tried out for choir and found out quickly that I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't hear it…It was like another world to me. Add to that years of hearing/speech issues and you have a tone deaf little girl with a nasally voice trying to sing jingle bells and completely missing the mark. I wish that I was not that awkward, but the truth is, I was. I am not trying to have a pity party, and search for someone to tell me "we can all sing" or something nice to put a pretty bow on that package. I don't need it.
I can sing. Actually I just typed that, not fully knowing how to agree with it. But I typed it anyway. Because he's been putting songs in my head, that I HAVE to sing..in my own voice, out loud, with passion. I even record them. Because just like when I have to have a photo shoot, or whisper to my babies, I have to sing these songs. My soul isn't right if I don't.
So His promises.
They never fall short. They never fail. They don't fit into the box that I've created for them.
He doesn't ever say it will be easy. He doesn't ever say you'll know the answers. He says He'll never leave you.
And boy do I know that to be true.
I started praying for my family since, oh I don't know, about the age of 5. I didn't even know what I was asking most of the time, but I prayed nonetheless. In all honesty, I didn't even know some of these times who I was praying to. I DO NOW. And the way I have watched the prayers that I lifted up be coddled, and remembered, and handled with care…brings me to my knees. Actually, more literally, it brings me face down to my linoleum in my kitchen with my nose in a puddle of my own tears.
Because He is tangible. I serve a living, loving, all-knowing, TANGIBLE God. I can't touch him in the physical sense all of the time, but He is there. I can't deny it. It would be a lie if I tried. And dang it, that's just down right refreshing to say. It's also a little scary, because it isn't EASY to live like that is truth.
I have been in a dry spell with writing. Today, I am practicing this wonderful quote that I've adopted since my early twenties. Action comes before motivation. I typically only write when I feel like my fingers will fall off of my hand if they are not allowed to type as fast as my brain is thinking. Right now I am forcing them. It resembles faith if you think about it.
I will believe, proclaim, declare, and rejoice!! Even though I am dry and tired, I believe that there is so much more that is unseen. HE is more. And I will come and pray and declare these things when I am not cleaned up, when I am exhausted, when I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other.
Because he is tangible. Because He has never let me down. It's not easy. But he cares more than I could ever know. So you bet your butt I can sing. And He cares about my family. He has placed me exactly where I am supposed to be. I will have a life and love like I've never seen before, and even when I don't really know the fullness of what that means, I will believe it.
AMEN!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Hungry.
My feet are cold. The daunting tasks of this day/work I need to catch up on/ lack of sleep that I had last night are bearing on my hungry body. I need food, but do not have enough of an appetite to actually get up and do something about it.
I want to crawl into bed. I want to feel the light from my window warm my face while I take a short nap. I want all of my seemingly large problems to go away.
I did get back into bed a minute ago. I needed the silence, I needed the stillness. I needed to not think about what I have to do today, I needed to just rest and try to hear Jesus.
My head hit the pillow. I set my alarm for 30 minutes to go by. The rest that my body longs for doesn't come from sleep. I need to be refreshed, I need to be cleaned up, I need to be filled. I need to be loved with an everlasting love, to be picked up and rocked. I wouldn't know that I needed that so badly, but I've had it before so I feel empty without it.
I laid there quietly for only a few moments. The light didn't warm my face, and my feet were still cold. But I wasn't tired anymore. Still very aware that I needed rest, but not tired. A new energy surged through me, one that I knew wouldn't let me stay in bed. I keep hearing, "I could sing of your love forever…" lyrics from a song in my head. I could sing of HIS love forever. He has rescued me. And he keeps rescuing me over and over again. Even when I turn my face from His, even when I dance with fear, even when I believe that He might drop me. He understands that my reality sometimes turns to what I've known in the past, that's when He grabs my chin to look into His eyes again. And as if looking into that truth and wonder wasn't enough…
He picks me up and puts my small feet on top of His big ones, and starts dancing. He is obviously the leader of the dance, but I am welcomed with tender, loving, supported arms. My ideas and dreams are valid, and my laughter is His pleasure. He is steadfast, and never changing, and magnificent. He has placed a song in my heart. We are dancing to our own tune. My problems, and fears, and worries are whirling around us. They are becoming harder to recognize and losing their weight with each spin. And the beat goes on. I am forever His.
He gives me visions of seeds being planted in my heart. He gives me visions of rains coming from the heavens to rain on the garden in my heart. There is no draught for this garden.
I am desperate for God. I am hungry and thirsty for the Love that can only come from Him. I want more.
AND THERE IS MORE.
I always forget that. I am used to to short ends of the stick, and being left and forgotten. But not anymore.
Just when I think I might drown in the ocean, he places me high on a mountain.
It's from there that I will sing. I will sing of his goodness. I will sing my own song. I will keep believing, keep hoping. Because He hasn't dropped me, He rescues over and over again, and He always will.
I want to crawl into bed. I want to feel the light from my window warm my face while I take a short nap. I want all of my seemingly large problems to go away.
I did get back into bed a minute ago. I needed the silence, I needed the stillness. I needed to not think about what I have to do today, I needed to just rest and try to hear Jesus.
My head hit the pillow. I set my alarm for 30 minutes to go by. The rest that my body longs for doesn't come from sleep. I need to be refreshed, I need to be cleaned up, I need to be filled. I need to be loved with an everlasting love, to be picked up and rocked. I wouldn't know that I needed that so badly, but I've had it before so I feel empty without it.
I laid there quietly for only a few moments. The light didn't warm my face, and my feet were still cold. But I wasn't tired anymore. Still very aware that I needed rest, but not tired. A new energy surged through me, one that I knew wouldn't let me stay in bed. I keep hearing, "I could sing of your love forever…" lyrics from a song in my head. I could sing of HIS love forever. He has rescued me. And he keeps rescuing me over and over again. Even when I turn my face from His, even when I dance with fear, even when I believe that He might drop me. He understands that my reality sometimes turns to what I've known in the past, that's when He grabs my chin to look into His eyes again. And as if looking into that truth and wonder wasn't enough…
He picks me up and puts my small feet on top of His big ones, and starts dancing. He is obviously the leader of the dance, but I am welcomed with tender, loving, supported arms. My ideas and dreams are valid, and my laughter is His pleasure. He is steadfast, and never changing, and magnificent. He has placed a song in my heart. We are dancing to our own tune. My problems, and fears, and worries are whirling around us. They are becoming harder to recognize and losing their weight with each spin. And the beat goes on. I am forever His.
He gives me visions of seeds being planted in my heart. He gives me visions of rains coming from the heavens to rain on the garden in my heart. There is no draught for this garden.
I am desperate for God. I am hungry and thirsty for the Love that can only come from Him. I want more.
AND THERE IS MORE.
I always forget that. I am used to to short ends of the stick, and being left and forgotten. But not anymore.
Just when I think I might drown in the ocean, he places me high on a mountain.
It's from there that I will sing. I will sing of his goodness. I will sing my own song. I will keep believing, keep hoping. Because He hasn't dropped me, He rescues over and over again, and He always will.
Monday, March 19, 2012
.Enjoying.
I have extremely adorable children.
Some days I just can't help but stare at them with absolute wonder, and a tear in my eye (ok about 20 tears). I can't help but remember the smell of their head. I always seem to remember the first time I smelled them, new and perfect. And then my mind goes through a series of smells, like baby lotion and rice cereal, formula (it's a love/hate), the smell of their fingers when they are putting everything in their mouths (also love/hate), the smell of that nighttime shampoo, that doesn't put them to sleep at all, but does in fact smell like a dream. I somehow always end up at sunshine, and a little bit of dirt.
I ENJOYED my children today. I think I do everyday, but maybe not to the extent of today. I enjoyed them above everything else and it was just so sweet.
We had laughter in the car. We had a story from Shai, that ended, "and then my friend was headlighted…meaning (lightheaded)" I almost had to pull over.
We had homemade dinner, which included a very serious debate on why the opposite ends of asparagus are better…Chloe likes the "flowers", and Shai likes the bottom. Chloe also told me that asparagus is healthy because it tastes like salt, and a little bit of sour.
Shai is the "Special Student" this week in her class. We spent our evening making a picture collage, and I got to watch them be delighted by their baby pictures. They were laughing at memories, and at each other. I was just taking it all in as an outsider in a still lump….trying not to bawl and just being so thankful for how blessed I am.
I also got Shais report card today, she asked me if she got A's. I explained to her that she doesn't get A's yet, but her report card was pretty much perfect. It was, and she is ahead in all subjects. I can't help but beam at her diligence, and I also can't help but flash back to the day that I cried out to Jesus that I wanted her brain.
So I'm tucking them in, and Chloe's woobie (blanket) is out of the dryer and smells amazing, and she shouts, "I just love the warmness!" And I just sit in between them and revel at this life I'm living.
And then I lean over Shai, and look at her not-so-little girl face, I'm going to kiss her, but I just stare. I can't help myself. This is my BABY. My baby that is so obviously not a baby. She is still just as beautiful as the first time I saw her. She's got a little wisdom behind those green eyes now. I can't help it, and the tears well up. She says, "Is something wrong, Mom?"…and I say, "You know when you see a new baby, or hold a puppy or kitten, and you almost just want to cry at how cute they are?" And she gets it. She pulls me down for a hug, and I tell her I love her. And she insists that she loves me more. She's wrong.
Finally they are in for the night and Chloe yells emphatically, "I just want to KNOW how GOD is changing the world!!"
I'm pretty sure I know how.
Some days I just can't help but stare at them with absolute wonder, and a tear in my eye (ok about 20 tears). I can't help but remember the smell of their head. I always seem to remember the first time I smelled them, new and perfect. And then my mind goes through a series of smells, like baby lotion and rice cereal, formula (it's a love/hate), the smell of their fingers when they are putting everything in their mouths (also love/hate), the smell of that nighttime shampoo, that doesn't put them to sleep at all, but does in fact smell like a dream. I somehow always end up at sunshine, and a little bit of dirt.
I ENJOYED my children today. I think I do everyday, but maybe not to the extent of today. I enjoyed them above everything else and it was just so sweet.
We had laughter in the car. We had a story from Shai, that ended, "and then my friend was headlighted…meaning (lightheaded)" I almost had to pull over.
We had homemade dinner, which included a very serious debate on why the opposite ends of asparagus are better…Chloe likes the "flowers", and Shai likes the bottom. Chloe also told me that asparagus is healthy because it tastes like salt, and a little bit of sour.
Shai is the "Special Student" this week in her class. We spent our evening making a picture collage, and I got to watch them be delighted by their baby pictures. They were laughing at memories, and at each other. I was just taking it all in as an outsider in a still lump….trying not to bawl and just being so thankful for how blessed I am.
I also got Shais report card today, she asked me if she got A's. I explained to her that she doesn't get A's yet, but her report card was pretty much perfect. It was, and she is ahead in all subjects. I can't help but beam at her diligence, and I also can't help but flash back to the day that I cried out to Jesus that I wanted her brain.
So I'm tucking them in, and Chloe's woobie (blanket) is out of the dryer and smells amazing, and she shouts, "I just love the warmness!" And I just sit in between them and revel at this life I'm living.
And then I lean over Shai, and look at her not-so-little girl face, I'm going to kiss her, but I just stare. I can't help myself. This is my BABY. My baby that is so obviously not a baby. She is still just as beautiful as the first time I saw her. She's got a little wisdom behind those green eyes now. I can't help it, and the tears well up. She says, "Is something wrong, Mom?"…and I say, "You know when you see a new baby, or hold a puppy or kitten, and you almost just want to cry at how cute they are?" And she gets it. She pulls me down for a hug, and I tell her I love her. And she insists that she loves me more. She's wrong.
Finally they are in for the night and Chloe yells emphatically, "I just want to KNOW how GOD is changing the world!!"
I'm pretty sure I know how.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Surrendered.
Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes your past makes you sad. Sometimes you feel like you have no control. Sometimes the holes in your family, in your life, in your heart feel too big to be put back together. I'm glad for me, it's only sometimes.
I surrendered tonight….
I surrendered to the truth that I was created for a purpose, that we all were, even if we don't realize it. I surrendered to the fact that I serve a God that holds the world in His hands.
I was hurting, I am hurting. I have this pull in my soul that tells me that family is supposed to be close. Supposed to be community, supposed to be unconditional.
And I want that. I want it so bad. I am willing to fight for it.
Sometimes I forget to say yes. Sometimes I forget that He has so much planned. Sometimes I forget that he cares enough about me. uugghhhhh. He does….it breaks His heart when I forget.
I surrendered tonight and lifted my hands in my room, and let tears stream down my face, and yelled out loud that I wanted His reality, that I believed his plans for my family and my life.
And then Chloe woke up (probably because I was literally crying out loud) and I felt her behind me, and scooped her up, and rocked her. And her little head fit right in between my collar bone and my chin. She laid on me and she fit so perfectly, just like I do with Him.
And wouldn't you know, He had more to tell me, and now that I was listening…He could.
I stopped sobbing, and just reveled at how amazing my cute little girl is. She looked into my eyes and told me she needed water. Of course I jumped up and brought her to the counter, sat her down gently, and gave her a pretty full glass of water. She looked at me sweetly and said, "Is it ok if I drink it all??"
EPIPHANY: He doesn't have a tiny glass of water for me, He doesn't take his water away, and there's plenty more water where that came from.
I'll take the waterfall. I'll take the MIRACLES, I'll take the HEALING, I'll take the RESTORATION, IN JESUS name, I'll take it. AMEN.
This song by Phil Wickham is my cry tonight. And is it ironic that I chose the color "ocean" without even knowing it at first. No, it's perfect. I highly recommend listening (link at bottom)
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I want to reflect the light
That shines from You
And if this is war
Then I'm gonna draw my sword
This time I know what I'm fighting for
God I wanna let You know
I want everything You are
I'm waiting for the morning light
To show a fire in the dark
Shine Your light
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I wanna be the moon
If love is a choice
Then I need You to hear my voice
I'm the one knocking on Your door
Making all this noise
Whatever it takes
I'd give it all away
I want to show my love in a thousand ways
God I want to let You know
I love everything You are
I'm waiting for the morning light
To show a fire in the dark
Shine Your light
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
And I can't live a single day without You
And I don't even want to try
And I won't take another step without Your light
I need Your light
Shine
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
So take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I wanna be more like You
I wanna be more like You
I wanna be the moon
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I want to reflect the light
That shines from You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_3WHW1Tco
I surrendered tonight….
I surrendered to the truth that I was created for a purpose, that we all were, even if we don't realize it. I surrendered to the fact that I serve a God that holds the world in His hands.
I was hurting, I am hurting. I have this pull in my soul that tells me that family is supposed to be close. Supposed to be community, supposed to be unconditional.
And I want that. I want it so bad. I am willing to fight for it.
Sometimes I forget to say yes. Sometimes I forget that He has so much planned. Sometimes I forget that he cares enough about me. uugghhhhh. He does….it breaks His heart when I forget.
I surrendered tonight and lifted my hands in my room, and let tears stream down my face, and yelled out loud that I wanted His reality, that I believed his plans for my family and my life.
And then Chloe woke up (probably because I was literally crying out loud) and I felt her behind me, and scooped her up, and rocked her. And her little head fit right in between my collar bone and my chin. She laid on me and she fit so perfectly, just like I do with Him.
And wouldn't you know, He had more to tell me, and now that I was listening…He could.
I stopped sobbing, and just reveled at how amazing my cute little girl is. She looked into my eyes and told me she needed water. Of course I jumped up and brought her to the counter, sat her down gently, and gave her a pretty full glass of water. She looked at me sweetly and said, "Is it ok if I drink it all??"
EPIPHANY: He doesn't have a tiny glass of water for me, He doesn't take his water away, and there's plenty more water where that came from.
I'll take the waterfall. I'll take the MIRACLES, I'll take the HEALING, I'll take the RESTORATION, IN JESUS name, I'll take it. AMEN.
This song by Phil Wickham is my cry tonight. And is it ironic that I chose the color "ocean" without even knowing it at first. No, it's perfect. I highly recommend listening (link at bottom)
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I want to reflect the light
That shines from You
And if this is war
Then I'm gonna draw my sword
This time I know what I'm fighting for
God I wanna let You know
I want everything You are
I'm waiting for the morning light
To show a fire in the dark
Shine Your light
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I wanna be the moon
If love is a choice
Then I need You to hear my voice
I'm the one knocking on Your door
Making all this noise
Whatever it takes
I'd give it all away
I want to show my love in a thousand ways
God I want to let You know
I love everything You are
I'm waiting for the morning light
To show a fire in the dark
Shine Your light
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
And I can't live a single day without You
And I don't even want to try
And I won't take another step without Your light
I need Your light
Shine
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
So take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I wanna be more like You
I wanna be more like You
I wanna be the moon
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I want to reflect the light
That shines from You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_3WHW1Tco
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I got my Daddy's grin.
If you know my Dad, you know I look like him. Truth is, I act like him every once and awhile too. This is a few sweet little memories I jotted down as a poem/song.
I got my Daddy's grin
Oh yes I did
And there sure is plenty more
where that came from
I got his hands, yeah
They got lines like his
And I walk with a smile in my step.
I like my coffee dark
and the windows down
I like to drive around in a sleepy town
and turn my headlights off in the moonlight
I walk a little proud
and I talk a little loud
But you just might sure know
what I'm thinking
And if a storm was on its way
I would say, put your umbrella away
cus I need to feel that rain upon my face.
I got my Daddy's grin
Oh yes I did
And there sure is plenty more
where that came from
I got his hands, yeah
They got lines like his
And I walk with a smile in my step.
I like my coffee dark
and the windows down
I like to drive around in a sleepy town
and turn my headlights off in the moonlight
I walk a little proud
and I talk a little loud
But you just might sure know
what I'm thinking
And if a storm was on its way
I would say, put your umbrella away
cus I need to feel that rain upon my face.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
say YES.
It has been a strange couple of weeks. To the worlds standards, my life has been a bit of a mess. To the naked eye, it might look a little 'fall-apart-ish.'
I'm so thankful I have Jesus.
Sometimes I forget to pray. It's so simple, yet I get caught in my own thoughts, spinning in my own stuff, and I forget. And then when I remember to pray He meets me and clings to me, and sings to me, and tells me He misses me, and I get all lost in wonder with Him again, and I don't know how I have forgotten to hang out with Him all day.
I'm rambling. anyway...
I'm writing out of faith today. Because I want to write about these BIG things that God is telling me, even though on paper, I am just sort of....'fall-apart-ish.'
He is saying...
Kara, say YES!
And I am sort of saying...oh that is scary, how do I say yes to your bigness when I am oh so small. But here I am, writing this blog, to my 2 friends that will probably read it, and this is my version of screaming into the universe...YES!!!!
I LONG for a simple life. I YEARN for it. For a wrap-around deck, and a horse, and wild free running children. I also long for a life that looks like nothing I've seen before, and a crazy world changing mindset. These are things that are inside of me. Things I sometimes suppress because they feel unattainable and far away.
But not today.
My Mom had this vision of having a camp with a bunch of horses. The camp would be designed for the physically and mentally handicapped. They would get to come and ride and experience nature and animals. It was a big amazing dream that never happened (or hasn't yet.)
And somewhere inside of me there is a similar dream. I have been having baby fever lately. A tad awkward since I am not married, and am not in a position to have a child. And I am so thankful I have amazing babies in my life, and my friends are popping out kids that I get to love on....but I really have an ache to have my own baby. This is the part of the blog where I want to shut this laptop and act like these dreams to not live inside of me. But honesty is a good good thing so I will keep typing.
I have this vision of me, on a big huge open deck, with property in front of me...a baby on my hip and a bunch of babies running around...like an orphanage maybe...and I don't know the details...I just know that I want it to be true. So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen...but I am saying YES to the possibility.
I am believing today that I can have a house in the country. I am believing that I might get remarried and have more babies, or adopt babies. I am believing today that I might get to do photography strictly as a ministry in the future. I am saying YES today in all of my smallness, in all of my brokenness, to the BIG BIG BIGNESS of God to move in my life.
Amen.
I'm so thankful I have Jesus.
Sometimes I forget to pray. It's so simple, yet I get caught in my own thoughts, spinning in my own stuff, and I forget. And then when I remember to pray He meets me and clings to me, and sings to me, and tells me He misses me, and I get all lost in wonder with Him again, and I don't know how I have forgotten to hang out with Him all day.
I'm rambling. anyway...
I'm writing out of faith today. Because I want to write about these BIG things that God is telling me, even though on paper, I am just sort of....'fall-apart-ish.'
He is saying...
Kara, say YES!
And I am sort of saying...oh that is scary, how do I say yes to your bigness when I am oh so small. But here I am, writing this blog, to my 2 friends that will probably read it, and this is my version of screaming into the universe...YES!!!!
I LONG for a simple life. I YEARN for it. For a wrap-around deck, and a horse, and wild free running children. I also long for a life that looks like nothing I've seen before, and a crazy world changing mindset. These are things that are inside of me. Things I sometimes suppress because they feel unattainable and far away.
But not today.
My Mom had this vision of having a camp with a bunch of horses. The camp would be designed for the physically and mentally handicapped. They would get to come and ride and experience nature and animals. It was a big amazing dream that never happened (or hasn't yet.)
And somewhere inside of me there is a similar dream. I have been having baby fever lately. A tad awkward since I am not married, and am not in a position to have a child. And I am so thankful I have amazing babies in my life, and my friends are popping out kids that I get to love on....but I really have an ache to have my own baby. This is the part of the blog where I want to shut this laptop and act like these dreams to not live inside of me. But honesty is a good good thing so I will keep typing.
I have this vision of me, on a big huge open deck, with property in front of me...a baby on my hip and a bunch of babies running around...like an orphanage maybe...and I don't know the details...I just know that I want it to be true. So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen...but I am saying YES to the possibility.
I am believing today that I can have a house in the country. I am believing that I might get remarried and have more babies, or adopt babies. I am believing today that I might get to do photography strictly as a ministry in the future. I am saying YES today in all of my smallness, in all of my brokenness, to the BIG BIG BIGNESS of God to move in my life.
Amen.
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